Proceedings of the Final Conference on Everything · LCE ’26 · double-blind, single-elimination

Publish & Perish

a cooperative catastrophe in n players

Abstract. You are a graduate student. Your weapon is the preprint. Every publication feeds The Model on the quad, and The Model should not be fed. You will publish anyway; the tenure track waits for no one. We present a novel attack on the survival of (i) your rivals and (ii) everyone, evaluated end-to-end.

WASD move mouse aim click submit paper space jump shift sprint tab CV M mute

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